Home Again

OCF was wonderful, as always.

It rained Sunday. ALL day Sunday. It's never done that before.

Way to celebrate 40 years. At least everyone will always remember.

Lots of peace, and lots of quiet, but never both at once. Plenty of miles on the road to think both ways, and nights listening to drumming or rain.

It has occurred to me over the years that I have always been a helpless romantic at heart. Not just in the matters of relationships, but in general. As a young girl, I would put on Sting's "Fields of Gold" and have my Barbie and Ken act out an elaborate montage of relationship development. Ken would see Barbie working at the vet clinic (I had Pet Doctor Barbie. Shocking, I know) and he just had to meet her. They'd go out on dates to the beach or forest and share their deepest secrets. The song would always end with Barbie and Ken slow dancing, knowing they were meant to be.

No lie, I was seven and had this detailed of an imagination.

In fact, on hindsight, all of my imaginary play involved some great and epic love story. If it was a doll, beanie baby, drawing, etc. I always projected my personality on the heroine. She always managed to persevere and find true love despite the odds.

I savor moments years past like they were yesterday, even if the actual event was only a fraction as amazing as it felt to me. I allow the memory to grow and blossom, burned into my memory. I remember singing in the sauna at OCF last year (I never made it this year). I remember watching the sunset on Cape Cod the night we had a makeshift memorial for my grandma. I remember burying a pink Power Ranger in the mud at my friend's house when I was 8 and then the glory of digging it back up.

This is a dangerous practice however. People who live their life with all their love and passion are likely to burn out. Anyone close to me has witnessed my crumbling when times become too hectic. Relationships often suffer also, because I settle on a vision of how things will go automatically and set myself up to disappointment. If it's cold, I quietly imagine my significant other making me a cup of tea and having it handed to me with a kiss as I walk through the door. In reality, no one knows when I'll be home if I'm at work and my significant other(s) past, present, and future usually have more important things to take care of. This, in a nutshell, shows the foundation for the emotional rollercoaster I set myself up for.

Oregon Country Fair memories are always good ones though. Memories of being inches from flames as fire dancers swung flaming poi near me. Memories of the Royal Fair Family Du Carneveaux singing a version of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" with 1 or more of their dancers being a guy in a leotard with a long wig. Memories of sitting in my campsite and admiring all my tapestries by candlelight. These snippets of time are pieces of joy I cling to all year long. The moments that are ok to romanticize, as it makes me happy and doesn't disappoint.

Here's to all the new memories I made this year, and the many more to come in the future.