Negative Nancies and Positivity Soup

For all of life's blessings and gifts, we seem forever drawn to the negative. I am, of course, including myself in the term "we" as I suffer from the same addiction to negativity that so many others share.

One could speculate that it stems from an evolutionary need to survive. If we learn to identify things that are dangerous or might hurt us, we can avoid them in the future. Don't eat the poisonous berries, don't run in front of a stampeding herd of buffalo, etc. This was a successful method of survival, especially for those smart enough to remember what the "bad things" were.

Our problem in the 21st century is that our baser needs have been fulfilled. The "average" person in the US has what philosophers define as the "basic" needs: food, water, breathing, the ability to reproduce, etc. Most of us even achieve the next few levels of need: safety, loving relationships, a (few fewer recently) a job. What the philosopher Abraham Maslow suggested was that when baser needs are met, focus immediately shifts to the next level of "need". If you have food and water, you want a job in order to keep them. If you have job security, you want recognition and esteem. If you have esteem, you want a raise so you can buy a bigger house and fancier food. We are so focused on the bigger, better, more, that we completely ignore what's right in front of us.

How does the old joke about the optimist and the pessimist go? Something along the lines of "An optimist and pessimist were each put in a room full of horse poo. The pessimist just stands there, complaining sarcastically, 'well this is a load of horse shit..'. The optimist immediately starts digging through the poo. When asked why he's doing this, his response is 'there has to be a horse in here somewhere!'". Ok, I did a poor job at recalling that, but the point is there.

Most of us could have a glass 90% full of clean water, and we look right past it to dirty smudge on the side of the glass.

I suffer from chronic negativity as much as the next person. I have a job with job security, anytime I'm hungry I have food to eat, I have a warm bed to sleep in each night, I even have a loving partner and 3 great 4-legged fuzzy kids...yet my main focus each day is how work wants me to do more than I'm able to accomplish. I come home and complain to Matt, who complains back about his chronic health issues. By late evening, I'm usually plastered to the couch, my mind overloaded with frustrations and injustice that I can't personally do anything about.

I feel a little separated from other people my age in complaints, since my partner is in chronic pain. He suffers every day with this problem or that. He's been to more doctor appointments in the last two years than I've attended in my whole life. He feels like people don't want to come visit him because he doesn't have a lot of new and interesting things to talk about. It's just him, sitting at home most of the day. Watching TV and playing music or video games. We're frustrated that no one can point a finger to a condition in a book and say "This! This single this is what's wrong with you!". His pain and his disc injury don't add up (according to the doctors) so we can't really say they're related. But, hard as it is, we try to remind one another that things could be A LOT worse. There are always others in poorer health. I try to bring him back to the simple things he can enjoy to distract him from his pain (since it really never resolves to the point that he can go out and do things).

So how do we open our eyes to the things we so often ignore? The long and short of it is to reorganize our thought pattern. We live "like the lotus, and in the muddy water" as my first yoga instructor always said. We take the grimy marsh water and grow into something beautiful and strong in spite of it. Instead of "that person was SO rude, I'm going to be pissed about that for the rest of the day", we need to move towards, "I can't control that person's behavior, I can only control mine. I did the best I could at that time in that situation to deal." Think honestly about those less fortunate than you, don't just go, "Oh sure, thousands of people in ours and other countries don't have food to eat or clean water to drink, but I have REAL problems here; I don't have enough money to buy a big house". There is always someone else in a worse situation than out. Somewhere, somehow, it's probably true.

Animals are an excellent example of creatures who revel in the joy of simple pleasures. My dog, Rocky, LOVES his stuffed hedgehog toy. Anytime he remembers, he goes to find it and carries it around in his mouth like a child with their doll. He sleeps on it like a pillow. He tosses it into the air and catches it. His thought process is simple, hedgehog = happy. He doesn't need to be sitting in an expensive house or have his fur professionally groomed for his hedgehog to make him happy. Just it being there is enough. I am jealous that he can find happiness so simply and so completely. But it's inspirational too.

I need to find my hedgehog. Not a tangible object, but an inner happiness and peace that's always within arm's reach.

I need to make a list and remind myself of all the good things I'm lucky enough to have and experience:

• (Generally) Good health
  
• A loving family
• Matt, who stands by me even when I'm being the most difficult person in the world to deal with
  
• Rocky (the dog)
  
• Indica (the cat)
  
• Widget (the cat)
  
• A handful of amazing friends who have been everything from a listening ear on the phone to a shoulder to cry on in person
• Matt's family, who very loving and supportive
  
• A nice apartment with a view of the marsh and a comfortable bed to sleep in
  
• A car that is safe and gets me where I need to go
• A job that needs me and reminds me it's glad I'm there
  
• 3 square meals a day (with snacks, if I'm really hungry)
• A cell phone that allows me to communicate with loved ones near or far
  
• the internet and a computer, so I can communicate with all the people I might not see or call on a regular basis
• Oregon Country Fair
  
• Blue skies
• Sunshine
• Snowstorms (in moderation)
  
• The wind in my hair
• Full moons
• Kittens and puppies
• Music
  
• A guitar, which I need to play more often
• A love of animals and animal medicine
  
• A love of food and cooking
• Starry skies
• Green grass to walk through in bare feet

The list could go on and on. The trick is to print this list and keep it with me in my pocket. That way, when I'm focusing on a single event or a single frustration, I can pull out the list and ask myself "Does this one negative really outweigh the positives on this list?"

I could also make a second list. One I'd like to keep short, and still on the positive side, with things I'd wish for or hope to achieve:

• Matt's health to significantly improve
  
• Take some cooking classes
• Find a way to make my current job less stressful, or find another job
  
• Save/earn enough money to buy a little house. I don't want anything fancy, just a fenced yard for Rocky

Are all those things easy? No. Likely to happen in the next 6 months, 12 months, 2 years? Not really. But they are there so I can remember what I want, add it to the list of what I have, and with a little luck, maintain a better sense of hope.